Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
