Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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