Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
