hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
