ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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