I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
