Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
