Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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