her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
