If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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