i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
