The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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