thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
