I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
