when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
