You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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