He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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