You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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