sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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