i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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