Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
