so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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