out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
