if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
