thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
