I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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