There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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