i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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