I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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