we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Bring me that man meat
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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