Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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