she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize