She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
