As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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