Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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