i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
it was like eating out sand paper
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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