it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
