What a fucking waste of an outfit
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
