Betty ford says i'm here all night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
