so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
