I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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