It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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