I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
