Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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