i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
