I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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