I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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