he thought i was a dude.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
