Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
