Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
