maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
