Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This house was built for laser tag.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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