I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
