if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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