people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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