Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
