you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
