I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
