I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
