He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
