She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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