True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sext me about skeletons
Help. Why am I so naked?
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