my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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