omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
