mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
