I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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