we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
