dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
