Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
