I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
