I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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