Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize