you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
