Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
